RobJenkins.com

You might be a right-wing extremist if . . .

by Rob Jenkins

Turns out it’s not radical Muslims who represent the greatest threat to American life, limb, and liberty. It’s your basic, garden-variety Christians.

Who knew?

This according to a report from the Obama administration’s Department of Homeland Security, warning of the dangers posed by “right-wing extremists.”

Among the people DHS identifies as extremists are those who “reject Federal authority in favor of state and local authority,” those who are “dedicated” opponents of “abortion or immigration,” those who “stockpile. . . food, ammunition, and weapons,” and those who view themselves as having a “Christian Identity.”

Wondering if you might qualify? Try the following test:

1. In regard to Federal income taxes, if you

a)      Wrote an obscenity on the “For” line of your check to the IRS, give yourself 10 points

b)      think it stinks that your hard-earned money goes to pay for government-funded abortions and social services for illegal immigrants, add 5

c)      Haven’t achieved enough in life to pay any income tax, subtract 10

2. Which of the following best describes your views on marriage:

a)      Marriage should be between a man and a woman (+10)

b)      People should be free to marry whomever they want (-5)

c)      I’m planning on moving to Vermont (-10)

3. During the National Anthem, do you

a)      stand, place your hand over your heart, and sing fervently (+10)

b)      stand at attention and hum softly (+5)

c)      refuse to stand because U.S.-based multinational corporations are exploiting native peoples in developing countries (-10)

4. Regarding the stockpiling of food, if you

a)      could eat for three months without going to the grocery store, add 10 points

b)      could live for a couple of weeks on the canned tuna and ramen noodles in your pantry, add 5

c)      wouldn’t know where your next tofu burger was coming from if Whole Food closed down, subtract 5

5. Do you attend church

a)      every time the door is open (+10)

b)      at least once a month (+5)

c)      only when running for office (-10)

6. If you do go to church, has your preacher ever

a)      used the word “sin” (+10)

b)      used the words “I have sinned” while sobbing uncontrollably (+5)

c)      accused the United States of sins against humanity (-10)

7. Regarding weapons, if you

a)      own more than one and have a concealed-carry permit, add 10

b)      own at least one and know how to use it, add 5

c)      cried when Bambi’s mother was shot, subtract 10

8. If you see a group of Hispanic men standing on a street corner near Home Depot, do you

a)      assume most of them are illegal immigrants (+10)

b)      wonder if it might be time to repaint your house (+5)

c)      feel rage at the way they’ve been oppressed by our capitalist system (-10)

9. Do you believe that abortion is

a)      always wrong (+10)

b)      wrong, except in cases of rape or incest (+5)

c)      a pretty good form of birth control (-10)

10. If you believe that our Founding Fathers

a)      by and large rejected Federal authority in favor of state and local authority, add 10

b)      did not intend for the Constitution to be a “living, breathing document,” add 5

c)      were racist, sexist homophobes, subtract 10

If you scored 70 points or higher, you just might be a right-wing extremist. And if you scored 100, you should proceed immediately to the nearest DHS office and turn yourself in. Or at least convert to Islam or something, so the rest of us can breathe easy.

A Tuesday in September

(This is a poem I began on September 12, 2001 and finished in the days that followed. It doesn't offer much in the way of literary merit, but it certainly reflects the way I felt that day. . . and still feel.)

It began like any other day.

A bit warm, perhaps, for the time of year,

But fall was only weeks away,

And the summer sky dawned strangely clear.

Across the greatest city on the Earth,

Two thousand people said their last goodbyes;

but few of them would think the moment worth

another hug, a second kiss, a lingering eye.

No, it was just an ordinary day

for fireman, broker, janitor, cop,

And they faced it in the ordinary way.

Who among them might have thought to stop

and take in all around, savoring this morning

as his last?  Who among them could have known

that suddenly, completely and without warning,

their world would be transformed, the way a stone

in the hands of some indifferent boy

transforms an anthill.  So off they went,

in hope or desperation, pain or joy

to the awful fate no one could circumvent.

The images are seared into our brain:

The famous skyline against the azure sky. . .

then in the distance there appears a plane,

no different from so many planes that fly

over the city each day.  But this one

IS different.  On this, a nation’s annals turn.

A fierce resolve is born as towers are undone,

and flames ignite far more than they will burn.

Just one Tuesday in September—and yet,

unlike any day the world has ever seen.

May no span of years allow us to forget.

May no petty differences come between

those whose love of freedom keeps this land

and nurtures it through terror and upheaval.

And may God not withdraw his guiding hand

As we, in right, engage the cause of evil.

Is AP Really the Best Option?

If your high school-age son or daughter is planning to take “Advanced Placement” courses this fall, you might want to ask yourself a couple of questions: what, exactly, makes those courses “advanced,” and to what extent do they promise any particular level of placement?

You might also want to consider, if the goal is for your child to earn college credit while still in high school, whether a dual enrollment program at a nearby community college isn’t a better option. Counselors and others at the high school often dissuade students from taking that route, because they don’t want to “lose” enrollment or the funding that goes with it. But don’t let that stop you from acting in your child’s best interests.

Personally, I’ve dealt with the College Board’s Advanced Placement franchise on a number of levels—as a professor, as an administrator, and as the parent of two recent high school graduates. My observation is that AP courses are generally not, as they are billed, the equivalent of college courses and that they rarely do more than other high school classes to prepare students for college.

The dual enrollment program at our local two-year college, on the other hand, provided a wonderful introduction to higher education for both my children, allowing them to complete most of their core requirements and earn up to 32 hours of transferable credit, all while still enrolled in high school.

Just ask my daughter, the 21-year-old university graduate. Or my son, who at 19 is now a sophomore in college.

For those unfamiliar with dual enrollment, it’s a program offered at two-and four-year colleges around the country that allows high school seniors (and sometimes juniors) to take actual college classes, taught by college-certified faculty, usually on a college campus, using the college’s standard syllabi. In contrast, AP classes are taught by high school teachers in high school settings using syllabi developed by the teachers.

In other words, AP classes, whatever they may advertise, are essentially high school classes, and there are significant differences between those and real college classes.

For example, consider the issue of academic rigor. My children’s AP teachers tended to equate rigor with the AMOUNT of work they assigned—some of which, quite frankly, was just busywork, like making posters. In fact, true academic rigor has more to do with the TYPE of work students do and with the intellectual processes required of them.

Early in my daughter’s career as a dual enrollment student, she approached me with a question about her college political science course. “Dad,” she said, obviously frustrated, “I’m supposed to write a paper about which has more power, the House or the Senate.”

“OK,” I said, “so what’s the problem?”

“The problem is, I don’t KNOW!” she blurted.

I explained to her that she wasn’t necessarily supposed to KNOW; she was supposed to THINK. “Do your research,” I told her. “Think about it, decide which you believe has more power, then write a well-reasoned argument supported by evidence. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s a matter of how well you argue.”

“Oh,” she said, clearly taken aback. “No one’s ever asked me what I thought before.”

This from an honor student with several AP courses already on her transcript—none of which provided her, however, with the kind of “Aha!” moment she experienced in her first semester of real college coursework.

Another major problem with Advanced Placement is that it doesn’t necessarily place students into anything in particular. Regardless of how well they perform in the classroom, in order to receive college credit AP students still must pass a College Board-administered exam with at least a 3 on a 5-point scale. Many colleges require a 4 or even a 5. 

If that sounds difficult, it is. Nationwide, fewer than 60 per cent of students score a 3 or above, and the numbers are much worse in many states and school districts.

High school students who take college courses through dual enrollment programs, on the other hand, leave with the grades they earn—and the corresponding credit hours. Moreover, in most state systems, those hours are automatically transferable to any state institution and often (as in the case of my kids) to out-of-state or even private colleges.

So before you subject your child to the extra busywork of an AP class on the off-chance he or she might earn college credit, you may want to see if a post-secondary institution in your area offers high school students the opportunity to take real college classes. They can always make posters in their spare time.